self-explanatory!!
The ability to stop pooping for three days.
You have to post about it online and keep the community updated on your progress, becoming the first widespread Lemmy meme
But when you eventually poop your in the middle of human a human centipede
Each day you don’t poop, you lay an egg that hatches into a random monster. The egg is indestructible.
You already can – immodium
Or just some painkillers. I had surgery seven or eight years ago and I still remember how badly I wanted to shit by day three and it just wasn’t happening.
Clear anyone of debt just by thinking it.
Their debt transfers to you.
And then to you…
And then to an orphan somewhere. You monster.
The debt alwaye gets randomly assigned to another person
Empathy
but not for yourself
deleted by creator
Power to turn things into gold by touch.
Including your own body parts
I can reverse any moderator actions.
You’re an admin on reddit
Who modded a banned subreddit back in the days…
The ability to find anything lost.
Everything you touch turns into a potato
The ability to speak, read, and understand every known language.
Via any of those methods, you can only communicate at one word per minute.
You…
Are…
EVIL.
The ability to read another person’s thoughts by looking at them.
Granted, but your thoughts are transmitted to the person looking at you.
Ambidexterity
deleted by creator
I can fly wherever I want super fast so I can travel the world.
You still need to go through TSA before flying
You can fly super fast but are unable to decelerate except by crashing into things.
ability to instantly know exact composition of a substance just by looking at it
deleted by creator
Or spelled out by Robert Loggia
The ability to touch a book to instantly know its content.
It only works if you touch it with your penis.
Turns out, the books you touch are actually quite satisfied and content.
Omnipotence
deleted by creator
The ability to talk to animals
You can talk to them but they can’t understand you.
This is just reality
you can talk to animals, but they don’t want to (they are very prejudiced)
But only about collecting stamps.
You can talk to animals now. I think what you mean is you want them to be able to talk too.
You can talk to animals, but it includes insects and birds… and you can’t shut their conversion out for some peace and quiet
Imagine going outside during spring. All animals are just yelling “I’M SO FUCKING HORNY!”.
