For me it was the fact that I would always be slower than everyone else and I would have to put in twice the effort.
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People die unexpectedly. Tell anyone and everyone that you love verbally that you love them (even if it’s man to man). Don’t leave anyone guessing as to how you felt about them.
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Not everyone is a friend for life, even if you’ve been friends for 5/10/20/40/80 years.
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People change and you can’t control that.
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Recording the people you love speaking; preferably while you ask them about their lives. See #1
Would’ve really sucked to be betrayed after eighty years of friendship.
Yes.
Not on that level but I’ve lost a friend because we were both a little stubborn. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t handle the situation well (granted, we were all drunk).
But, that friend also needs to acknowledge that they too did not handle what happened in the best way and not double down by threatening to sue other friends that were at the event for a orior year’s issue.
It’s a giant mess. The last thing I told them ~2.6 years ago was that this didn’t have to be a friendship ending event. And here we are; haven’t spoken since then. Some days I miss them and other days I wonder if I’m better off without them and the energy they bring.
Uh…what happened?
That’s all I have to say about that.
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It’s been 9 years, I’m married again (happily), and my ex-wife is never coming back.
It’s difficult to go from best friends who tell eachother everything, to strangers.
It took a lot of therapy for me to realize that we both played a part in our marriage ending, and it wasn’t all my fault. But, I also learned in the process that my childhood really screwed me up, and I needed to deal with it, and reconcile with the fact that I didn’t have a loving childhood. The abuse, both verbal, physical, and sexual has had a lasting effect on me as an adult.
But, most importantly, I learned that I can heal from all of it, and grow as a person.
I think she’s happy now, and so am I. So even though I still miss her once im a while, I know things worked out for the best.
I’m honestly happy for you mate, glad you are happy again 💯
There will be a last time we do something in our lives for everything
One day your parents put you down for the last time and never picked you back up.
I’ll never be the same again after my brain injury.
In some ways thats a good thing but Im not 100# sure I’ll get all the walking stuff back exactly
Realizing that I’ll never be able to achieve any of my previous hopes or “dreams”, it’s too late, and that life is fundamentally uneven and unfair.
Similarly, realizing there’s no sense of “karma” or balance in real life, it’s just a crutch that people can use to justify or rationalize things.I won’t be a father and possibly not even an uncle.
That i wasnt born the opposite gender and that i was born in a transphobic country
Im sorry you have to deal with that. If i could take that away, I would. There are still people that support you <3
They never loved me and I’ll be ok without them
Lemmy loves you.
That an unfortunately large portion of my family are stupid MAGA’ts. I always knew they weren’t exactly tip top in the faculties department but they usually had the right directions. That’s shits completely gone now. Sort of in relation to that. Just how dumb the average level is. The lack of troubleshooting capabilities, the disregard of knowledge, the irrational hate for the ‘other’ the just complete contempt for anyone who doesn’t directly effect you day to day. The schdenfraude from the faceless trump voters is a nice trickle but it’s becoming maddening how much of it there is. I’m finally beginning to understand the need for so much history in school. Unfortunately there is an uncomfortably large portion of the population that simply can’t learn from words and can only understand experience. It almost feels like a hidden great filter.
That ultimately, no matter how many people I surround myself with, I will always feel alone.
It might be time to talk to a professional about that.
Tuesday, actually. Really.
Good and I’m/we’re here to talk if you need it.
Seriously.
That misinformation is too hard to fight.
i’m convinced that calling it misinformation is part of the problem.
misinformation is the proper word for it, but the word carries with it the connotation that it’s intentional or ill willed; so misinformation that doesn’t seem to have either are given a pass.
for example: take the piece of misinformation that you shouldn’t go swimming 30 minutes after you’ve eaten; it’s misinformation like any other but allowed to perpetuate because it doesn’t seem ill willed or intentional.
that means that any misinformation that seems innocent is allowed to perpetuate and that’s how propaganda takes hold; repeat it enough times and it seems like an established & unquestionable fact and, therefore, innocent, so it flies under the rather and keeps getting perpetuated as fact like the misinformation with swimming & eating
I’m more struggling with the intentional and ill-willed type.
and you’ll forever be struggling with it because that type is impossible to distinguish from the other type if you don’t have the right frame of reference to detect it.
your experience with eating and swimming gives you a frame of reference that lets you detect that swimming less than 30 minutes after eating is bullshit, so you’re able to recognize it as the misinformation that it is and having a proper frame of reference like this is the only way to combat any misinformation.
it’s impossible for anyone to have a frame of reference so broad that they can detect all misinformation; not even a group of people can either. becoming something of an expert on the subject of the misinformation is the only thing you can to do help it and, even then, being an expert is relative.
instead, you have to see misinformation as weeds in a mental garden that you will forever have to keep maintaining for your entire life; more weeds will always find their way into your garden and it’s up to you to keep clearing them out so that your flowers can shine through and recognize when the flowers you’ve chosen are the wrong ones for the garden.
Right, but this isn’t weeds in my garden, this is someone intentionally dumping toxic waste that’s killing me and anything I try to grow, including any weeds that might have tried popping up.
the weeds are the misinformation and if those are getting killed off too; then your problem isn’t misinformation.
Weeds are a healthy part of the environment and soil restoration.
Malicious misinformation is toxic and prevents anything healthy from growing.
Loss of friendships can be the result of very minor events that triggered someone or were not communicated well. This does not mean that anyone is necessarily “bad” or lacks care for the world. That can be true but it is not always true. The hardest thing to come to terms with is that despite the above in many cases there is no way back to friendship with that person
“Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant, did you ever notice that?”
Stephen King
I relate to your situation OP.
I have ADHD and I think the hardest part about living with it is coming to terms to the fact that I’ll have to constantly put in more effort to meet the neurotypical standards for school and work. It’s exhausting to have to mange my symptoms in a world where every task throughout my day is designed to be preformed within a set time frame and getting off-track, even for a little while, even if it’s unintentional is seen as incompetence. I struggle to be able to let myself relax especially when I’m overstimulated due to this. Luckily, my country is pretty progressive and workplaces are schools are required to provide accommodations but unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that everyone will take my needs seriously.
Let me tell you a short story about Kevin.
He had the same realization, so he went to trade school to avoid the parts of education that involved a lot of studying in the traditional sense. So he ended up as a decent welder.
Fast forward a few “normal” jobs where he couldn’t quite fit because of the everyday drudgery of working either as a maintenance man or a factory worker, doing the same things over and over: He ended up applying to a job where the tag line was basically “no days are the same”
He started working with sea fastening. You know those ships with a large superstructure in front of a completely flat back deck? His employer was in charge of all sorts of fittings and welds onboard ships so that containerized systems could be easily mounted in a secure manner.
And said company was usually contracted by my former AND current employer to do the sea fastening aspect of mobilization.
And yes, Kevin is a real person. And as soon as I see his name on the personnel list, I know it’s all going to go well and be a lot of fun while we’re at it. Kevin and I have been drunk on all continents together. (Well, except from Antarctica… so far). Be it occupying a Texas BBQ joint for an entire day while doing the layout planning from there, or chilling (literally) in a Singapore pool after a long days work.
Oh yes, ADHD… he mentioned that he probably wouldn’t have ended up where he was without it. I’m not saying his situation is universally transferable, but it’s all about finding ones element.
His only ADHD-related failing that I’ve noticed is that he usually struggles with airports. But that’s fine - we usually park our asses in a quiet airport lounge anyway.
I’m looking into doing something similar to Kevin, I want a job that’s more flexible but I’m worried that jobs like that won’t pay great. I settled on becoming an ultrasound tech because the college program incorporates a lot of hands on training, considering it’s in the medical field it’s a well paying and secure job. But, I do wonder if it’s truly right more me sometimes…
A flexible job is one thing. But a job that requires a flexible person is something else entirely. Kevin is paid quite handsomely for his willingness to pack his gear and fly halfway around the world to do his thing on short notice.
I suspect that for every ADHD person like Kevin, there are a dozen struggling because they can’t find the right job (probably not least because the act of job-hunting is itself terrible for people with ADHD).
Knowing the people who I ideally want to date or would have a better chance of dating, will forever be out of my reach because of missed opportunities in the past. For example, there’s a couple of friends I know I would’ve loved to date. One of them I could’ve had but nobody said anything to eachother and it had been 14 years ago when that chance came and went. We just mesh well together and can go the distance when it comes to conversing and getting along. But, I’m forever friend-zoned because nobody said anything when emotions were high back then.
And another thing is accepting the fact that you aren’t as compatible with some of your friends when you thought you were. The painful part is realizing this after so long. I had a massive friend exodus last year. I’ve lost friends whom I’ve been with for 15 years, 10 years, 5 years and 3 years in that order. And it was simply because at somepoint, we just ignored the part where we weren’t as heavily compatible as we once were. And it showed the more times we were at odds with eachother. Hell, I lost another friend this year who I had hit it off well for 3 going 4 years and it’s the same example.
“Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant, did you ever notice that?”
Stephen King
I’ll probably die a virgin. They won’t be able to come up with a movie about that. Lame.
